we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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