You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize