It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
