make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
