I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
