Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
