This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Everyone says I win the strip club
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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