Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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