Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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