Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
