Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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