My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
