We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
