I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
