He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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