She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
