I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
