Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
