I want to have your abortion
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
