dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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