My underwear smells like fireworks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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