this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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