I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
