I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize