the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
