mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ketchup is God's man juice
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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