So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
