a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
