My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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