I wish I could teleport
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
