Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
