If i come over, it means nothing
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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