Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
