Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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