I'm jealous of your bromance
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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