Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
