Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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