so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
