Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
