Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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