We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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