is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
