did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
