I think I won the penis lottery.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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