well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
