This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
