Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
