So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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