woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
