the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
