I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
