so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
