you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
