Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
