I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
