My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
