Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
