I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
