sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
