It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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