apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
