Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
