If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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