i think my tv is drunk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
