So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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