that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
