i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
