so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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