Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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