I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
